How the fuck do you work at home with a baby?
How the fuck do you work at home with a baby? Good question! ⠀
I've been working at home (sometimes 1 day a week sometimes 2-3 days a week) since my baby was born two years ago. My partner has always been the main carer. Right now, like many of you, I'm working at home every day (trying to raise capital for a tech start-up and build a digital product) and my partner is at home caring for A 100% of the time. Before we go any further, I think it's impossible for both parents to work at home with young children. Work in shifts. It's the only way. ⠀
I've realised from chatting with folks in my Online Village group that nobody really talks about this situation of one parent working and one parent caring from the perspective of the woman 'at work' so here goes... ⠀
1. Think about it from your child's perspective⠀
It's really confusing for A to be allowed in the office one moment and then not the next. It's not fair for me to sneak out for a cuddle and then leave Chris to calm A down and explain to him why I left again. Do as much as you can to make things super clear for your little one and your partner. ⠀
2. Routine is your best friend⠀
What time does work begin and what time does it end? When is lunchtime? Make these decisions and stick to them. Having lunch together can be good for everyone. Schedule a couple of tea breaks. Tell your partner your routine so yours and theirs don’t clash (particularly loud meetings don’t work well with nap times, and your partner won’t thank you for not letting them know)⠀
3. Morning or evening briefings⠀
Go through your calendar the night before or in the morning. What is happening when? What calls are non-negotiable and what calls can be interrupted if necessary.⠀
4. Things will get noisy⠀
If it's hard for you to concentrate then get some earphones. If you don't want your colleagues to hear your family - it's time to get new colleagues.⠀
5. Be present⠀
If you’re not at work, be present. Physically your work is now your home, but mentally you need to keep them separate. This is the one that is toughest for me. Figure out ways to help yourself switch off.⠀
6. Intentionally change the scene⠀
At the end of the day when the baby is asleep (even if it's 9pm or 10pm by now) light a candle, pour a gin, put the radio on, put all of the children’s things away out of sight, whatever you need to do to signal a change in scene so this is your time to be together (or alone) right now. ⠀
7. Have rules for phones⠀
Airplane mode. Decide what the rules are and stick to them. No phones after 8.30pm (another one I really struggle with and the carer *must get device time as they don't get any all day!) ⠀
8. Being a carer is a full-time job⠀
This new dynamic will bring on all sorts of unhelpful feelings for both parties. For me, I feel a huge amount of guilt that I get the easy job of going to work. Talk about what these feelings are and try to really see the situation from both points of view.⠀
9. Keep things interesting⠀
What are you going to talk about if you are together all day? Save some news and stories to swap for the end of the day. ⠀
10. Reflect, learn and make changes⠀
This is the big one. This requires constant conversation, reflection and adaptation. What's working and what's not working. Try something out and then try something else. You'll figure it out together. ⠀
I know we are privileged; we have an office, I'm my own boss and we have green space nearby. This is what works from my experience and I really hope it helps you. ⠀
What's your biggest challenge when it comes to working at home with kids?
Leave a comment below and I'll have a think on it.