I didn’t know how to write this so I followed advice from Clemmie Telford and made a list.

One year ago today the NHS saved my life.
I survived emergency surgery for a heterotopic pregnancy.
I’m really sorry if this list is triggering for you.
I had 4 litres of blood in my abdomen and my liver and kidneys were starting to shut down.
I found out I was pregnant 3 days prior to this happening.
The experts told us If I’d got to the hospital 10 minutes later chances are I would have died.
Heterotopic pregnancy is a rare complication of pregnancy in which both extra-uterine (ectopic pregnancy outside the womb) and intrauterine pregnancy (inside the womb) occur simultaneously.

I am a 1 in 30,000 case.
I lost a fallopian tube and the foetus outside my womb.
I had twins inside me for a moment in time.
The nurses and surgeons who looked after me were among the most incredible people I’ve ever met.
I have two scars from their magic work.
We had to wait overnight to find out if the little 5 week old bean in my womb had survived.
He did. He’s called Atlas.

I have one scar from his exit.
I have three scars in total.
Atlas is mighty and he is my world.
I spent the month after surgery in bed recovering and battling with morning sickness and yucky first trimester symptoms.
I lived on cheesy pasta and ice lollies.
People reacted in different ways.
My team at Good Lab gave me the time I needed to recover and I’m forever grateful to them for that.
My Aunt and Uncle in the USA checked in on me every day and brought moments of joy to a scary time.
I felt sad (and still do feel sad) at how some people reacted. Some people I thought were my friends were a bit shit and not very thoughtful. Maybe this is because they thought I wanted space. I’m a massive extrovert and rarely want space. I want to spend time with you. I want to talk. Especially when I’m hurting.
Send food not flowers. Always.
Others surprised me with their thoughtfulness. There were people who remembered to check in weeks after the event took place. This is when I got really down and anxious - when everyone else’s week has gone back to normal and I felt so dizzy and sick the only way I could escape it was to sleep.
Friends told me their stories; miscarriages, endometriosis, infertility and more. What happened to me seemed to give them permission to tell me.
You have permission. Share your stories. Ask for help. I promise you are loved and people will listen.
Despite doctors telling me my pregnancy would go ahead as a normal a healthy pregnancy, it was really difficult for me to believe them.
9 months of worrying is exhausting.
At our NCT class, one of the four couples was expecting twins. I still feel weird they don’t know that I was too for a moment in time.
I didn’t feel I could tell them because I was scared I’d cry if I said it out loud.
Now Atlas is here I still worry, only now about different things.
I’m keeping check to make sure these worries don’t slip into anxiety that hinders me.
In the future, I’m scared that the loss I suffered might come back and be something that causes me problems but right now I feel okay.
Every now and again I’m not okay.
I sit with it and remember that this is a significant thing that I shouldn’t dismiss.
I’m sharing to raise awareness that heterotopic pregnancies are a thing and if you have any symptoms (stomach pain, shoulder pain) call an ambulance immediately.
I’m sharing because I’m sure if you looked at my Instagram you’d think everything was fine and dandy. It’s not.
I want to celebrate that I survived.
I want to say thank you to our NHS.
I celebrate my baby boy every single day. But today I want to celebrate Atlas more than ever before.
This list isn't complete without saying thank you to my teammate in life. I love you Chris. Thank you.

One in thirty thousand