A letter to my three year old son

Watch a video of me reading this letter aloud here

The world woke up this week. You didn’t notice because you are three.

Me and daddy noticed and I want to tell you about it.

We live in a world that is deeply unequal. You see, the world treats you differently depending on what they see on the outside - your skin, your body, your clothes. If your skin is white the world will be kinder to you than if your skin is brown or black. If you are a man the world will be kinder to you than it would be if you were a woman. If the world can’t decide if you are a boy or a girl it will be extremely cruel.

This means women like me get treated very differently from men like daddy. I know right? It’s hard to understand. We are a white family which means the world will never be mean to us because of our skin colour. This is a massive Fucking deal. Huge. It’s something that we must learn about, reflect on, analyse and take action on forever. Until we die (like Ruth Ginsberg)

The future is dependent on men like daddy and little boys like you being on our side. Always using your power and privilege to ask who isn’t in the room and whose voice you can’t hear. You will learn by watching how daddy treats me and other women, how he talks about women on tv and in your books. This will be really hard because you’ll see lots of men in books and on tv and at school being different to this. They will make fun of girls. They will assume they are smarter and stronger. They will do things to hurt and harm girls and face no consequence. They won’t always be kind to girls. This is why you must always listen and show up when women, girls and people with brown and black skin are being treated badly for no reason other than the world is unequal.

I’ve felt really scared sometimes this week - wondering how you will fare in this cruel world I chose to bring you into. When I feel scared I take action and do things. This week I took some time off to rest. And tomorrow I will go back to work. I work hard to create positive change in the world - especially for women. I take the job of raising you very seriously. I believe in you. I believe in the hope and joy and your beautiful wide eyes represent.

Being a white boy with parents like us who have money to pay our bills, means you will have to work extra hard to unlearn and ignore the harmful ways the world teaches you to treat women. This will be extra hard when you are rewarded for treating women badly. Sometimes you will. We all fuck up sometimes but you must never let that stop you from learning and trying again.

I will always show you how. Daddy will show you how. I will hold you to account. And I know as you learn, you will force me to level up in ways I can’t even imagine.

Onwards.

To a world where boys are known for kindness, sensitivity and most importantly recognising their power and sharing it with others.

Love

Mamam